Counseling Blog | The Dunham School | Private PreK-12 | Baton Rouge, LA

Counseling Blog

January 2025

when the parent child relationship changes:

A Counselor's Reflection on Growth and Grace Through a Christ-Centered Lens

Recently, I experienced one of those small moments in parenting that quietly leaves a lasting mark. My nine-year-old son wanted nothing more than to go to a friend’s house during the Christmas Break. When we arrived and his friend wasn’t home, disappointment was written all over his face. Wanting to redirect the moment, I suggested we head to Dick’s House of Sport just to look around.

As we drove, I glanced into the rearview mirror and caught a look I wasn’t quite prepared for—the look of a child wishing he were somewhere else. In that instant, I was flooded with memories of my blonde-headed three-year-old boy who once wanted nothing more than to spend every waking moment with me. The emotions came quickly and unexpectedly. I rejoiced in the independence he is developing and the friendships he is building. And yet, I also felt the quiet sadness of realizing that our relationship is changing.

It was a five-minute drive—but it held the weight of an entire parenting season. As a school counselor, I often walk alongside families navigating similar transitions. As a parent, I now find myself standing in that space too.

The Quiet Grief Many Parents Experience 

One of the less-discussed aspects of parenting is the grief that can accompany growth.

The toddler who once reached for your hand now pulls away.
The elementary child who once shared every detail now offers brief responses.
The adolescent who once depended on you now seeks greater independence.

These shifts are natural—and they can be both joyful and painful. Parents may quietly wonder if the closeness they once shared is slipping away. Scripture reminds us that this change is not a sign of failure, but evidence of God’s intentional design.

“For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven.”
—Ecclesiastes 3:1

Growth Is Part of God's Design

From a Biblical perspective, growth requires movement. Parenting was never meant to look the same in every season. God does not ask parents to preserve a static relationship, but to walk faithfully with their children as roles evolve.

When we cling too tightly to what once was, we can unintentionally miss what God is cultivating in the present. Each stage invites parents to love with flexibility, wisdom, and trust.

When Connection Feels More Challenging

As children mature, parenting shifts from direct instruction to relational influence. From constant guidance to steady presence. From correction to connection. This transition can feel uncomfortable—especially when communication changes or emotional closeness feels different. Scripture encourages perseverance during these seasons.

“Let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up.”
—Galatians 6:9

Remaining emotionally available—even when the relationship feels strained or distant—is meaningful work. It models Christlike love and creates a foundation of safety for children as they grow.

God Is Shaping Parents Along the Way

One truth I often share with families—and continue to learn myself—is that God is growing parents alongside their children. 

“And I am sure of this, that He who began a good work in you will bring it to completion.”
—Philippians 1:6

Parenting older children invites deeper reliance on prayer, discernment, and trust in God’s faithfulness. These seasons refine us, stretching our patience and strengthening our dependence on Him. As children develop independence, parents are called to gradually loosen control while maintaining a secure, loving connection.

A Counselor's Encouragement to Parents

If you find yourself grieving a season that has passed while standing in one that feels unfamiliar, you are not alone—and you are not doing anything wrong. Parenting is a continual invitation to trust God with what we can no longer hold as tightly. Your child’s growing independence is not a sign that your influence is fading; it is evidence that your love, guidance, and faithfulness are taking root. Stay present. Keep listening. Keep praying. God is faithfully at work in your family, even in the moments that feel bittersweet, and He will continue to guide both you and your child with wisdom, grace, and purpose.