Counseling Blog | The Dunham School | Private PreK-12 | Baton Rouge, LA

Counseling Blog

March 2025

Biblical Conflict Resolution: A Guide For Parents

Conflict is a natural part of life, especially for children navigating friendships, academics, and family relationships. Whether it’s between siblings, classmates, or even with your own parent-child relationship, conflicts happen. As school counselors in a Christian school, we help students develop healthy ways to handle disagreements, and for Christian parents, we are called not to just manage conflict, but to guide our children in conflict resolution through a biblical lens. It is an incredible opportunity for spiritual and emotional growth for our children no matter their age, and teaching them how to handle conflict biblically will equip them with skills that foster strong relationships, emotional resilience, and Christlike character.

Teaching the Heart of Peacemaking

Before addressing specific conflicts, it’s crucial to instill a biblical understanding of peace. Jesus says in Matthew 5:9, “Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God.”

Peacemaking is not about avoiding conflict but about pursuing resolution in a Christ-honoring way. The Bible reminds us that conflict isn’t the problem, it’s how we respond to it that matters. Proverbs 15:1 says, “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.”

Conflict can be a chance to practice patience, kindness, and wisdom. As parents, we can teach our children that conflict is normal and must be handled with love. As adults we have learned that words have power, and we must choose our words wisely. Teaching our children to take a moment to pause and think before they speak will allow them to handle interactions with humility and a willingness to listen as is taught in James 1:19, “Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, and slow to anger.”

Guiding Young Children (Ages 5-10) Through Conflict

Young children often struggle with fairness, sharing, emotional outbursts, and hurt feelings. As parents, we can help by teaching simple phrases for conflict. Encourage phrases like “I’m sorry for…”, “Can we work this out?”, or “I-statement” phrases that do not blame the other person involved. “I-statement” phrases are particularly helpful because they allow the child to share how they are feeling while not blaming the other person. For example, “I feel sad because I didn’t get to play. I would like to play next time.” This again reinforces wanting to solve the problem and encourages a peaceful way to do so.

Remember to model conflict resolution for your children. Act out scenarios where they practice taking turns, speaking kindly, and apologizing. Model what it looks like to ask God for patience and kindness when they are upset. Children are very observant and learn by watching and doing. Again, encourage “the pause”. Teach them to take a deep breath and pray before responding. The benefit of a moment to think before responding is a crucial skill in these young developmental ages, especially in regards to conflict resolution.

Equipping Preteens and Teens (Ages 11-18) with Biblical Conflict Skills

As children grow, conflicts become more complex—friendship struggles, peer pressure, emotional struggles, academic pressures, and even spiritual challenges. Help them by encouraging self-reflection. Matthew 7:3-5 reminds us to "examine our own faults before pointing out others."

When a conflict arises, ask your children, “What could you have done differently?" Encouraging ownership of their actions is one of the strongest skills we can teach as school counselors and as parents. Having the humility to see what part they played in the conflict can lead to less conflicts in the future.

Teaching constructive communication and practicing calm, respectful responses, can help them to navigate and shorten future conflicts. Encourage them to solve these conflicts in a one-on-one environment before involving others. We need to teach teens to have direct, respectful conversations that are solution-focused, instead of conversations that prolong the conflict.

Along with strong, respectful communication, emphasize forgiveness over resentment. Holding grudges leads to bitterness, but releasing anger through forgiveness, as is modeled in Matthew 6:14, leads to freedom.  Remind your child that not all conflicts can be perfectly resolved, and that is okay. Understanding that setting boundaries is healthy and is important for your child to remember in order to live at peace with everyone.

Conclusion: Raising Christlike Problem-Solvers

Conflict resolution is not just about avoiding fights, it’s about shaping children into godly, compassionate problem-solvers. It is an opportunity to shape your child’s heart and character. When approached biblically, conflicts become moments of discipleship, teaching them to mirror Christ’s love, humility, wisdom, and grace. By modeling and reinforcing these principles in your home, you are raising not just peacekeepers, but peacemakers – children who will reflect God’s love in a world that desperately needs it.