Counseling Blog

December 2024

Fostering resilience in our children

What was the biggest life challenge that you faced in your school-age years? Did you not make the athletic team that you worked so hard to join? Maybe you didn’t get the lead in the play, or you were passed over for an award that you truly believed you deserved. Or perhaps you experienced grief over the loss of a loved one. As a counseling staff here at Dunham, one of our deepest desires is to see our students grow not only academically, but also in their ability to face life's challenges with courage and faith. This ability is called resilience, a crucial skill that will serve our children well in every aspect of their lives—from their academics to their relationships, and in their overall development.

What is Resilience?

Resilience is the capacity to recover quickly from difficulties, and to adapt in the face of adversity, trauma, or stress. In a school setting, resilience might look like a student bouncing back after a poor grade on a test, navigating social conflicts with peers, or managing the stresses that come from balancing schoolwork, extracurricular activities, and family life.

From a mental health perspective, resilience is not about avoiding challenges or failures, but about learning to cope with them in a healthy way. It’s about developing the inner strength to keep going, even when things are tough. For our children, resilience is a skill and attitude that will help them throughout their lives, allowing them to thrive rather than merely survive.

Why Resilience is Crucial for School-Aged Children

In the academic setting, resilience is what keeps students motivated and focused even when they encounter difficult subjects, a fight with a friend, or face the disappointment of a lower grade. Research consistently shows that resilience is a protective factor against mental health issues. For example, according to a study by the American Psychological Association, resilient children are more likely to achieve higher academic success, maintain strong social relationships, and have a lower risk of developing mental health issues such as anxiety and depression. Another study highlighted that students who demonstrate resilience are more likely to engage positively in school, leading to better academic outcomes and healthier social interactions.

Relationships also play a significant role in the development of resilience. Children who are resilient are better equipped to handle conflicts with friends, resist peer pressure, and maintain a positive outlook even when they feel left out or misunderstood.

From a broader perspective, resilience is essential for overall child development. It teaches children that failure is not the end but an opportunity for growth. As Proverbs 24:16 reminds us, "For though the righteous fall seven times, they rise again." This scripture captures the essence of resilience—getting back up, time and time again.

Tips for Parents to Encourage Resilience

• Model Resilience in Your Own Life: Show your children how to handle setbacks with grace and determination. Share your own experiences of overcoming difficulties and how your faith in God helped you through.
• Encourage Problem-Solving Skills: Instead of immediately solving your child’s problems, guide them through the process of finding solutions themselves. This helps them build confidence in their ability to handle challenges.
• Promote a Growth Mindset: Teach your children to see challenges as opportunities to learn and grow rather than as insurmountable obstacles. Praise their effort and perseverance, not just their successes.
• Be a Source of Emotional Support: Provide a safe space for your children to express their emotions and struggles. Listen without judgment, offer comfort, and remind them of God’s promises, like the one in Isaiah 41:10, "Do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."
• Encourage Healthy Risk-Taking: Allow your children to try new things, even if they might fail. Whether it's trying out for a sports team or speaking up in class, these experiences build resilience.
• Teach the Value of Perseverance: Remind your children that setbacks are a normal part of life and that persistence often leads to success. Share the biblical example of the Apostle Paul, who despite facing many trials, continued to spread the Gospel with unwavering faith (2 Corinthians 11:23-28).
• Help Them Find Their Strengths: Encourage your children to explore their interests and talents. When they know what they’re good at, they’re more likely to bounce back from setbacks.

Closing Thoughts

Resilience is not something our children are born with—it’s something they develop over time, with the right guidance and support. As parents, we play a pivotal role in helping our children build this essential life skill. By modeling resilience, encouraging a growth mindset, and grounding our children in the Word of God, we can help them face life’s challenges with confidence and faith.

Remember Romans 5:3-4, "Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope."

Let’s work together to instill this hope in our children, equipping them to rise above their challenges with a resilient spirit that honors God.